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“By Hecate, the goddess I worship more than all the others, the one I choose to help me in this work, who lives with me deep inside my home, these people won’t bring pain into my heart and laugh about it.” -Euripides

“You already know this.”

She sent me this message every day at least once a day.

“You already know this.”

What a thing to say. Six months. Every day. “You already know this.” hmmmm. What do I already know? “This darkness”.

The dreams, day and night, they came too. Face down. Floor of mud. Torches on the wall. “Get up.” But I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to melt down into the mud. Done. “Get up.” But I don’t want to get up. “You already know this.” What? “Get up.”

It took months. This vision went on. First slowly turning my head side-to-side. Then, resistantly opening my eyes. Into darkness. Hard to decide what is real and what lives in my mind. “Get up.”. But, I don’t want to get up. “You already know this.”

Trying to get my palms under my shoulders I realized there was a thing in each hand. A torch, like the ones on the walls, one in each hand. “Get up.” But,

Weeks went by and I was able to sit up and my eyes adjusted to the flickering light. Warmth on the walls so different than the wet dampness of the floor. A torch in each hand and no idea if I was alone or surrounded by other lost souls. No care.

“Get up.”

I stood.

Staring at the possibilities ahead. All dark. Except for the light in my hands as the torches on the walls moved further and further behind me. I was stepping. Being pulled by my heart and a thought “You already know this.”.

My torches were earned. One for surviving abuse. The other, incest. My light was earned and my heart was being pulled…


I didn’t know. And to be honest, a large part of me still didn’t want to.

I grew stronger. My legs were power and my eyes could see and I was moving with others not knowing what would be, only what was.


“You already know this.”

My voice begins to come back. It’s slow going but it begins to come back and I stand in the skin of Hecate, lighting the way. Almost. Almost. Almost. Ready to speak because…

I already know this.

One Comment

  1. So powerful.

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